So You Really Want to Be a Model, Huh? Part 1

This is me, dressed as some kind of rock. I am a hybrid of Cabbage Patch Kid and Transformer (robot in disguise). My hair has been carefully matted into ridges across my head and then the knots have been sealed in with flat-irons to ensure that they are as difficult as possible to tease out. I haven't been able to go to the toilet for four hours because I have a boulder for a body. My arms are hanging like lifeless deadweights because I can no longer feel where my shoulders are.

Rock and roll, eh? (Hohoho....)