Things That Can Give You Cystitis…

by | Feb 14, 2019

ruth crilly on the toilet

Here’s a list of the things that can seemingly give you cystitis. It’s not exhaustive.

1  Having raucous sex

2  Having mildly enthusiastic sex

3  Not having any sex

4  Wearing cropped jumpers that don’t cover your kidneys

5  Wearing low jeans that don’t cover your kidneys

6  Not wearing a vest

7  Drinking too much alcohol

8  Drinking just a bit of alcohol but not enough water

9  Drinking Coca Cola instead of water

10 Drinking Fanta instead of water

11 Drinking water

12 Drinking just the one alcoholic beverage in a hot place and then falling asleep in the sun

13 Having drunk sex in a hot place and falling asleep in the sun

14 Having sex in a hot place, not having a wee and then falling asleep in the sun

15 Wearing a G-String, aka a Germ Highway

16 Wiping yourself back-to-front

17 Wiping yourself with a scented wipe

18 Wiping yourself accidentally with a floor-cleaning wipe

19 Wiping yourself accidentally with a glasses-cleaning wipe

20 Sitting on a cold kerb in a flimsy skirt

21 Sitting on a kerb of moderate-to-warm temperature when there’s a cold north-easterly wind

22 Sitting on a kerb in the summer and merely thinking about alcohol, raucous sex or dehydration

23 Planning a night out with the girls

24 Planning a night of romance

25 Planning anything fun whatsoever

26 Breathing

By the way, if you follow me on Instagram you’ll have seen a version of this list already when it was in its germination stage. After that post I had dozens of messages recommending cystitis cures including the sachets you mix with water (these take the sting out but ultimately do nothing for me), D-Mannose and bicarb baths.

I have to say that D-Mannose does seem to be quite an effective cystitis prevention method for me – there have been a number of times in the past year or so that I’ve taken it at “first twinge” and successfully warded off bouts. However it does absolutely nothing if my bladder infection is already established – I may as well just be shaking a twig with bells on and singing incantations to the Goddess of Pain-Free Urination. When the burn sets in, I always end up on antibiotics. Thankfully never more than once or twice a year (and weirdly, didn’t get it a single time for four years when I was pregnant/breastfeeding/pregnant again/breastfeeding again) but I do try for a few days to fight it off naturally and it just gets worse no matter what I do.

Bloody cystitis. Feel free to add your own anecdotal material to the comments section – it’ll be F.U.N! By the way, I hope you appreciate my dedication to maintaining the visual appeal of this blog: I was going to use a picture of a Canesten Oasis sachet to illustrate this post but then decided to give you a real life photo of me on the toilet. You’re welcome. (I wasn’t weeing, it was staged.)