Here are the photographs included in the ebook and physical versions of my book, How Not to be a Supermodel. If you have downloaded the audiobook and for some reason cannot access the PDF then you can view the photos below. If you have arrived at this page and have not yet read How Not…
It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for*: my first ever book, How Not To Be A Supermodel, is available for pre-order! Here! An actual book that you will be able to hold in your hands. Or, if you prefer my dulcet tones, listen to with your ears. You’ve loved my revealing life updates, over…
Do you want to know what I wear to bed these days? I’m going to tell you anyway, so you may as well say yes. Don’t worry, it’s nothing that’s going to make you blush or feel awkward about life if we suddenly bump into each other outside Tottenham Court Road station – I’m not…
My Mum was horrified when I showed her my newly acquired Finishing Touch Facial Hair Remover. “You can’t shave your face!” she cried. “Why can’t you just use nail scissors like everyone else?” Pause for effect. Can we please get a show of hands from anyone – anyone at all – who uses a pair of…
Did you know that bees in a hive have this thing called swarm mentality, or hive mind, which is this amazing sort of collective thought that happens when you get lots of social insects (ants, bees) together in a colony? I’m no Attenborough, but I’ve been Googling this for all of about, ooh, four minutes, and…
Just wondering if anyone can help me out with this email I’ve just had – I’ve obviously managed to get myself into a bit of a pickle. Not for the first time, I should add. Every time I sift through my junk mail I’m being blackmailed for one thing or another! “In case you didn’t…
There’s a mole catcher who’s well known around these parts of Somerset and he has the most amazing advert printed on the back of his van. I’d never managed to get a photo of it before, but the other day he happened to be in front of us and so I summoned up all of…
Last week I found myself unexpectedly perving over King Triton’s torso whilst watching The Little Mermaid II with my kids. Which was something of a surprise, even to myself. A cartoon character – who knew? As he waggled his way into shot, I was taken aback by the broadness of his chest, the abs definition, the…
I was going to order some little vintage side tables last week but the delivery time, from the Netherlands, was estimated at 4-5 weeks. Considering that the tables are already made – they are secondhand – what in heaven’s name mode of transport could possible take 4-5 weeks? I could construct my own tables in…
After twelve weeks of complete isolation I decided to go to the post office to do some urgent returns. (I actually had to send back some clothes I had ordered and never unboxed. Because who needs clothes in a lockdown? Not I, apparently. Apart from a few special occasions, I’ve almost worn the same two…
My children (three and a bit years old and almost five) have been learning to ride their bikes and it is at once a massively rewarding experience and a very new, very fresh hell. On the one hand, seeing them learn a new skill and become fully-functioning mini-people makes me brim with joy and pride;…
I think I need a lawyer. Not because I’ve done anything illegal recently (unless plotting to kill the man who keeps strimming his bushes at night counts. Who the hell strims in the dark? Surely as an activity that presents so many dangers that it makes the whole endeavour entirely unfeasible? Decapitating badgers is one…
Four times in the past week my children, who are almost-five and three years old, have unknowingly grabbed onto one of my nipples to stop themselves toppling over. 75% of the time it has been when I’ve been putting their shoes on, which is always a precarious sport – and also explains why my nipples…
I’ve (perhaps unwisely) started testing out online exercise videos. There’s a whole other post to be written on the various hazards to be avoided when partaking in Youtube workout classes, but I have a pressing question about the fundamental essence of my being and that is this: do I, Ruth Crilly, have the emotional maturity…
I finally caved in, after over ten years of owning an iPhone, and bought myself a protective case. Why the prolonged hesitation? I’ll tell you why. I genuinely think that most phone cases are horrendous. They’re like the tech version of Crocs. Plasticky, garish monstrosities that just seem to be needlessly bad. Design abominations. And…
Something almost happened to me last week that made me think quite differently about those dreadful hospital stories you hear about foreign objects ending up in places they were never meant to be. (When I say “ending up” I mean inserted and when I say “places they were never meant to be” I mean the…
Two things happened last week that require some discussion. Actually, they don’t need to be discussed at all; if anything, they are the sort of thing that a normal person absolutely would not discuss, but both events troubled me and left an (admittedly tiny) scar upon my day. Both things were borderline mortifying for very…
Something happened on our family trip to Cornwall, back in May: I almost died. Now some people will say I’m being melodramatic about things and that I wasn’t anywhere close to death and that also I shouldn’t make light of death, or near-death, and to those people I say this: try climbing up the world’s…